Wednesday, April 20, 2011

WordFULL Wednesday

Seraphina's wild hair is finally long enough that I can pull it back into a clip (though she hates it when I mess with her hair..I think she prefers to be a wild child with wild hair to match). 
I think about how she is going to be as she gets older a lot..which I suppose all parents do.  But my thoughts go quickly from "is she going to hate her curly hair when she's a teenager?" to "is she going to be in a wheelchair?", "will she be able to talk?", "will she be made fun of because she might be 'different'?"  I think the last question saddens me the most. 
You read all the time about bullying in school and how mean kids can be.  How exactly are you supposed to protect your child from that?  I suppose I have time to figure that out.  And maybe I won't have to figure that out at all..perhaps all of Seraphina's "issues" will work themselves out in time and she will have no visible disabilities.
Sometimes I think I am in denial.
Am I in denial?
Would I know if I was in denial?
Or am I just trying desperately to stay positive.
Because negativity is not going to help anyone.
I think the hardest part is that I just don't know what she is going to be like as she gets older.  I have no idea if she will ever have the strength to walk on her own, or even sit up on her own. 
There are so many questions that will have no answers until time unfolds them.
The hardest is when a stranger sees Seraphina and asks how old she is (14 months)..they in evidently ask if she is walking up a storm and usually I just grit my teeth and say something like "oh, she just prefers my arms!..she just wants to be held by me all day long rather than walk!" See?-denial.  But saying that is easier than saying (::insert deep breathe::..I will not cry I will not cry as I type/say this..) "My daughter has cerebral palsy" and then watching their faces fall a little and scoot away after muttering "oh I'm so sorry." 

But here I go again..this wasn't really supposed to be a post like this but I opened the floodgates of my thoughts and they came spilling out.  But it feels good..this is like therapy for me because like I mentioned earlier, I may-or may not-be in denial that there is anything but normalcy with my dear Seraphina.
Regardless of the obstacles that we may..or may not..face in the future, my baby girl loves me for me and I love her just the same, no matter what. 

Thanks for listening on this word-full Wednesday.

and then, she {snapped}
Wordish Wednesday Live and Love...Out Loud Better in Bulk


Shell said...

What a beautiful little girl. No matter the challenges, she will know that you will be there for her!

Jen said...

She is ABSOLUTELY gorgeous and precious!! I LOVE the curls! You WILL know what to do in time-you'll do what's best for your sweet girl!
Thank you for sharing!

Kimberly said...

Your daughter is beautiful! My husband's cousin has CP and she was told she would never crawl, sit, stand or walk. But she's proved all of her doctors wrong because she can do all of those things now. I know it's easier said than done, but try not to let the negativity creep in. Stay strong, have hope. And just remember that no matter what, your daughter will have an AMAZING life because of your love for her.

Came by from PYHO, and glad I did!

Ashley Sisk said...

So so cute! And whatever the case, she's so lucky to have you in her life. She'll face any challenge that comes at her head on!

Chic Homeschool Mama said...

She is perfect in every way- she has a purpose here & it is a great one!!! Don't lose sight of her contribution in your life & how she enriches each person she comes in contact with. She is an angel!!

Tara said...

She is gorgeous, love that capture. She has a wonderful Mommy and will thrive because of your love!

Michelle said...

Something about this picture...I don't know if it's her expression or that her hair is in a clip...but she looks so much older! Baby girl better stop growing up so quickly! I'm not even going to pretend to understand how you feel, or the mix of emotions you experience on a daily basis. But I do know that Phina is a happy girl and loves her mom and dad so much...and really, does anything else matter? The love you three have, the love she gets from her aunts (non-blood related included :) ), uncles, cousins, and grandparents...that's all she needs. For whatever obstacles she may have, she has tons of support. Also...there's a difference between being in denial and simply having faith. Hope I get to see you guys soon!

Jessica said...

Just what Michelle said, Marci.

We love you!

Adrienne said...

She's gorgeous! I think it's amazing and brave that you're looking to the positive. I don't think it's denial. She needs a fighter, and it sounds like she has one in you. It must be hard to answer all those average stranger questions, and give a not so average response. People just don't expect to hear anything other than the regualr responses. That must be frustrating.